Immersive Soundscape and Experimental Composition
"Pulldrone" by Ethel Cain from her album Perverts is an immersive and experimental piece that pushes the boundaries of ambient music. At 15 minutes and 14 seconds, it is the longest track on the EP and takes listeners on a complex auditory journey. The track begins with a monotonic, robotic sample that builds into a jarring soundscape of glitches and synths. These dissonant sounds create a haunting, otherworldly atmosphere, akin to a spiritual voyage through a digital and chaotic realm. The opening gives a sense of unease, with the mechanical tones juxtaposed against a growing sense of tension in the instrumentation.
Exploration of Spiritual Themes
Ethel Cain has drawn comparisons to her previous works, particularly the ambient pieces on her SoundCloud account Ashmedai, specifically the track “008.” In Pulldrone, she explores an individual’s journey toward the so-called divine theater, a recurring theme in her music. The spiritual journey, as she describes, mirrors her exploration of life’s cyclical nature, its constant waxing and waning. This is further encapsulated in her cryptic Tumblr post, where she speaks of “the pull and the drone,” reflecting her deeply rooted fascination with life, death, and spirituality. These thematic explorations make Pulldrone a deeply philosophical track, adding layers to the already dense production.
The Meaning Behind the Title
The track’s title, "Pulldrone," carries significant weight, both in its meaning and its placement within the album. Ethel’s fans have speculated that the term refers to the pulling and droning sounds associated with ambient music—a genre she frequently revisits. The repetitive, almost hypnotic nature of the track aligns with the genre’s ability to pull listeners into a trance-like state, drawing them closer to the themes of divine contemplation and existential struggle that Cain so often delves into. The name itself was also teased through her alternate SoundCloud account and her use of it as a display name, adding to the mysterious and ethereal aura surrounding the track.
Lyrical Depth and Emotional Journey
Lyrically, Pulldrone is dense and enigmatic, featuring twelve sections that mirror stages of an emotional or spiritual transformation. The verses are an exploration of apathy, disruption, curiosity, and ultimately desolation, mapping out a descent into darkness that feels both biblical and personal. Ethel’s raw and poetic language lends itself to a narrative of self-destruction and revelation, with phrases like “I want to know what God knows, and I will be with Him” encapsulating a thirst for divine knowledge that leads to a catastrophic end. The verses create a cinematic scope, as if listeners are witnessing Cain’s unraveling in real-time.
A Centerpiece of Perverts
In the grand scheme of Perverts, Pulldrone stands out as a centerpiece that captures Ethel Cain’s ability to blend music with deeply philosophical and spiritual exploration. The track’s length and complexity demand full attention, making it an immersive experience that rewards patient listeners. Its haunting soundscape, layered production, and cryptic lyrics create a captivating, almost ritualistic listening experience. For those willing to embrace its dissonance and dive into its spiritual depths, Pulldrone offers a profound meditation on existence, faith, and the great dark.
Listen to Ethel Cain Pulldrone
Ethel Cain Pulldrone Lyrics Meaning Explained
The meaning of Pulldrone by Ethel Cain is deeply rooted in themes of spiritual longing, self-destruction, and the search for transcendence. The song’s lyrics explore a journey of emotional and existential turmoil, delving into the complexities of apathy, curiosity, and the constant pull toward something greater. Through vivid imagery and symbolic language, Cain paints a portrait of a soul grappling with the tension between inner conflict and the desire for enlightenment, ultimately confronting the painful truth of human frailty and isolation. The track serves as both a personal reflection and a universal meditation on the struggle for meaning in a seemingly indifferent universe.
Apathy
The song begins with "One, apathy / I am what I am and I am nothing," which reflects a state of detachment from emotion and meaning, a recurring theme throughout the song. Apathy, by definition, refers to a lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern. This could symbolize the narrator’s disconnection from any sense of higher purpose or divinity. The phrase "I am what I am and I am nothing" can be interpreted as a philosophical proclamation of the self, yet also a subversion of the idea of existence or identity, suggesting a void or an absence of meaning.
Disruption
"Two, disruption / There goes a great shudder through the muscle / A shimmering of bells through the mist" introduces a change, a disruption to the stagnant state of apathy. This could signify an awakening or a sudden realization that breaks through the numbness. The imagery of a "shimmering of bells" evokes a sense of spiritual or emotional stirring, a moment of clarity breaking through the mist of confusion.
Curiosity
"Three, curiosity / One quick moment to crane the neck / I have always possessed the insatiable need to see what happens inside the room" reflects a desire for knowledge or understanding, an urge to see beyond the surface and experience something more. This curiosity leads to a journey toward deeper spiritual exploration, driven by an inner need to understand the mysteries of existence.
Assimilation
"Four, assimilation / Lo, wellspring of knowledge / Of feeling, of sensation / Beauty, overwhelming / I will dislocate my jaw to fit it all in" represents the narrator's absorption of knowledge and experience, a metaphor for the overwhelming flood of sensations and emotions that come with spiritual enlightenment. The mention of "dislocating the jaw" is a striking image that suggests the narrator's desperation to take in everything, even to the point of physical discomfort.
Aggrandization
"Five, aggrandization / The pull, yes, the pull / Send down your cordage of suffocation and let me in" illustrates a craving for more, a desire to go beyond what is experienced in the moment and to reach higher states of understanding. The "cordage of suffocation" could symbolize the restraints of human limitations, while the "pull" represents the inexorable draw toward something greater, perhaps a divine force or transcendence.
Delineation
"Six, delineation / I want to know what God knows, and I will be with Him / Sent over the edge, I sigh / Flush against the veil, I sing" touches on the narrator's longing to transcend human limitations and be one with God, experiencing divine knowledge and euphoria. The "veil" here could represent the boundary between the physical world and spiritual enlightenment, a barrier that the narrator is striving to cross.
Perversion
"Perversion" is explored in "Seven, perversion / It is no good bearing false witness / The sinner's errand / I am what I am but we are not the same / It is no good speaking of fairness, the fools errand." Here, perversion refers not only to its sexual connotations but also to the distortion of truth and self-deception. The "sinner's errand" could be a reference to the futility of trying to live a life that is out of alignment with one's true nature or the divine order.
Resentment
In "Eight, resentment / Are these laurels to be proud of? / Let me tell you how much I've come to hate you since I began to live / Hate, hate," resentment is expressed as anger and frustration. The narrator is grappling with the limitations of existence and the realization that the pursuit of transcendence may come at a great personal cost. The lines reference Harlan Ellison's short story "I Have No Mouth, And I Must Scream," where a sentient supercomputer expresses an overwhelming hatred for its creators, likening the narrator's existential resentment to the frustration of being trapped in a limited form.
Separation
"Nine, separation / I was an angel, though plummeting / The stars are as beams shining through the wheel / I am sure that Hell must be cold" suggests a fall from grace, where the narrator once had divine potential but is now separated from it. The coldness of Hell contrasts with traditional depictions of fire and brimstone, representing isolation and detachment from warmth, both physically and spiritually.
Degradation
"Ten, degradation / Nature chews on me" introduces degradation, symbolizing the gradual destruction or erosion of the narrator's spiritual and physical self. This could also refer to a feeling of degradation through the narrator's internal struggle, torn between the pull of the divine and the baseness of the flesh.
Annihilation
"Eleven, annihilation / This agony / Such is the consequence of audience / I will claw my way back to the Great Dark and we will not speak of this place again" speaks of annihilation as the ultimate consequence of the pursuit of transcendence. The "Great Dark" refers to the return to normalcy or reality after the euphoria of spiritual enlightenment, a place of grounding and finality.
Desolation
The song ends with "Twelve, desolation / Therein lies sacred geometry of onanism / Of ouroboros / Of punishment / I am that I was as I no longer am for I am nothing." Desolation here is portrayed as cyclical and self-punishing, with references to onanism and ouroboros, symbolizing self-destruction and continuous ruin. The final lines encapsulate the theme of nothingness, returning to the idea that the narrator's journey has brought them back to the void where they began, suggesting that the pursuit of transcendence ultimately leads to self-erasure.
Ethel Cain Pulldrone Lyrics
[Verse]
One, apathy
I am what I am and I am nothing
Two, disruption
There goes a great shudder through the muscle
A shimmering of bells through the mist
Three, curiosity
One quick moment to crane the neck
I have always possessed the insatiable need to see what happens inside the room
Four, assimilation
Lo, wellspring of knowledge
Of feeling, of sensation
Beauty, overwhelming
I will dislocate my jaw to fit it all in
Five, aggrandization
The pull, yes, the pull
Send down your cordage of suffocation and let me in
Six, delineation
I want to know what God knows, and I will be with Him
Sent over the edge, I sigh
Flush against the veil, I sing
Seven, perversion
It is no good bearing false witness
The sinner's errand
I am what I am but we are not the same
It is no good speaking of fairness, the fools errand
Eight, resentment
Are these laurels to be proud of?
Let me tell you how much I've come to hate you since I began to live
Hate, hate
Nine, separation
I was an angel, though plummeting
The stars are as beams shining through the wheel
I am sure that Hell must be cold
Ten, degradation
Nature chews on me
Eleven, annihilation
This agony
Such is the consequence of audience
I will claw my way back to the Great Dark and we will not speak of this place again
Twelve, desolation
Therein lies sacred geometry of onanism
Of ouroboros
Of punishment
I am that I was as I no longer am for I am nothing